Thursday, May 15, 2014

Rocking/Singing/No Cry/Cry it Out/Co-sleeping and Everything Else: Part IV

Greater difficulties began in the middle of December and got progressively worse until the 2nd week of January. Ty began resisting our traditional methods of rocking him to sleep. He struggled in the cradle hold, and he'd wake up immediately when being put down in the crib. By the beginning of January it was taking 45 minutes to an hour get him down, and he cried, kicked, scratched and flailed for much of that. 

December 18th, 2013
It was a very difficult night with Ty. He's only had about 40 minutes of sleep in the past 5 hours. I lost control a few times. I had to take a couple breaks and let him cry. I felt helpless. I got down on my knees and prayed for patience. God reminded me how much I love this boy, and I calmed him and myself down by hugging him and holding him chest to chest. It still took some time, but I felt so much better and he's sleeping now. The power of prayer is amazing!

December 27th, 2013 
And Tyler's decided he won't be put down now except by being held on his tummy and swayed while walking. I'm exhausted after 90 minutes of trying to get him down. I yelled at him several times which made me feel bad. I apologized and committed not to yell at him again.

Ty was beginning to spit up less, so I thought about committing to cry it out at this time. But one of the things I'd read was that if you decide to do cry it out, you can't nurse your baby to sleep anymore. You have to be consistent so the child doesn't get mixed messages. If he falls asleep while nursing, you're encouraged to wake him up so he can consistently put himself down. Nursing Ty to sleep at nighttime was great bonding time for us, and usually helped him sleep through most of the night. If I was super tired, we had some lovely nights that we'd both fall asleep while he nursed on the recliner. Those precious moments weren't something I was willing to deprive us both of.

December 28th, 2013
What a refreshing morning! Fell asleep with Ty in the recliner at 8:30pm, I put him down and then was briefly awake from 11:45om-1:00am, I slept until Ty got up at 6, then slept again when Ty went down for a 90 minute morning nap.

January 1st, 2014
Now this is just getting ridiculous. We were at my sister's Lord of the Rings marathon party, and at bedtime I took Ty up to Hana's room to rock him to sleep in her banana chair. The lights were off and we had the white noise on my from IPad, so it was about as close to imitating his bedtime routine as I could get. He did nothing but scream, scratch, and kick for 20 minutes while being held, rocked, and sung to. If I'd had a crib, I would have left him to cry it out. Why bother rocking him if he's still going to make just as much of a fuss? He eventually fell asleep and I put him down in his car seat, but he woke up when a little girl bumped his seat while running across the room. We drove home while he spent another 20 minutes crying before falling back asleep on the drive.

January 3rd, 2014
Ty needed to be put down 7 times for nap yesterday and 4 times plus co-sleeping during the night. Come Monday we're starting sleep training again.

January 4th, 2014
It was the hour of coughing that never needed to be...it all started with wanting to check on Tyler and unintentionally waking him up with the tiniest touch on his diapered bum. I don't know how I can sleep train him if he has a coughing fit like this one. He woke up coughing for 20 minutes straight with no end in sight. I decided to nurse him so he had something to do with his throat that wasn't coughing. After he fell asleep nursing, I put him in his crib, and he woke right up and started coughing again. I was so upset I had to go run to my room to jump up and down. I couldn't calm him in his crib so I took him out and held him super tight. Fortunately the coughing only lasted about a minute and he's now in his crib asleep.

On January 5th we decided to commit to cry it out sleep training, and after months of failure, it finally worked. Within a few days, Ty started sleeping at least 11 hours at night and getting 3 nice long naps each day. It was wonderful! I suddenly had a ton more free time now that he was sleeping more, and I didn't have to spend so much time helping him fall and stay asleep. But the benefits were even greater for Ty. He started sleeping a LOT more than he ever had before, and thus he was happier throughout the day and woke up in the morning feeling energized and refreshed. 

By that point it was taking ridiculous amounts of time and effort to get Ty to sleep, plus most of the time we rocked and held him, he was crying in our arms. I remember once reading a no-cry advocate's comments on a cry-it-out forum "you people are cruel. I'll rock your baby since obviously you can't be bothered to." Oh if only it'd been so simple! I longed to only do only no-cry methods. I hated hearing my child crying miserably. But by 7.5 months he cried just as miserably in my arms while I was rocking him as he did if I left him in the crib. If all it took was a little rocking, soothing, and loving to get my boy to sleep through the night, I would have gladly continued doing so and never even bothered with cry it out. As it was, though, I knew some serious action needed to be taken. It was draining all 3 of us, and I asked myself "what if Ty weren't my only child? What if he had a 2 year old brother? I couldn't just leave that child on his own while I went into a dark room for an undetermined, extended amount of time multiple times a day." There had to be a better way. 

On the 1st day we resorted to crying it out, I was trying to put Ty down for a 6pm nap. After 45 minutes of flailing and crying himself to sleep while being rocked in my arms, he woke up as soon as I put him in the crib. I was exhausted and upset, and I didn't think it would do any good to pick him up again. He was determined to cry, so we let him cry. It was killer! We'd go in and check on him in 5 minute intervals, and after an hour he fell asleep for the night. I hadn't given him his nighttime nursing session, but there was no way I was going to wake him up for it. He had a coughing fit in the middle of the night (though he remained asleep), and I did nurse him to help the coughing stop, but the rest of the night went swimmingly. I wrote about it on the Sleep Lady's wall since I wasn't sure what to expect at that point. I'd never had any success with it before.

January 6th, 2014
We started sleep training again last night for the 6th or 7th time and saw our first real success! All previous attempts had enough lack of results to convince me he wasn't ready yet. This time he cried for an hour with us going in to comfort him in intervals, 2 hours later cried for about 6 minutes with only one comfort after 3 minutes, then cried again 7 hours later but self soothed before we even got to him. I do have a couple questions though. It started at 7pm, he fell asleep by 8, and he had his most recent wake up crying at 5:30am. How do we know when the night is over since 8pm-5:30am would have been a decent amount of rest for a 7 and 1/2 month old? Fortunately he self soothed and made it easy for us, but at what point do I stop sleep training and know he's awake?

Also, what do I do for naps? Naps are much worse than nighttime sleep when it comes to falling asleep without rocking. Any attempts in the past to use the shuffle during the daytime were fruitless, plus he'd spit up all over himself and the crib. He'll cry for well over an hour, and by then it's time for him to eat again, he's spat up so much I'm sure he's hungry again, and I don't know whether to feed him or rock him to sleep since he's so exhausted. Is it okay to rock him to sleep during the day but do the shuffle at night until nighttime has become consistent?

The sleep coach responded that I should keep sleep training him until 6:00am, and that I was free to rock him to sleep for naps. She warned, though, that there would come a point that I'd need to sleep train him for naps too. I'd know because my traditional methods of helping him fall asleep would stop working. She was right, and unfortunately it happened the very next day. I so wanted to rock him to sleep during the day and only do CIO at night, but it wasn't meant to be.

Things didn't go perfectly from there on out, but they were considerably better than before. For awhile he slept great, then struggled, then slept great again. The nice thing was he would occasionally fall asleep nursing, and it didn't stop him from being able to put himself to sleep on his own at other times, so I didn't have to entirely give up nighttime bonding with my baby. 

Although the sleep training books recommend waking him if he falls asleep nursing, I never do. I don't see a good reason to wake up and upset a happily sleeping baby unless he's becoming too dependent on you to get him to fall asleep. Fortunately Ty doesn't nurse to sleep consistently enough to turn it into his sleep crutch. He'll only fall asleep nursing before bedtime about 50% of the time, and only about 75% of that time does he stay asleep when put down in the crib. Most of the time he's put to bed for the night, he still has to do some self soothing in order to fall asleep in the crib, and if he wakes up in the middle of the night after falling asleep nursing, he self soothes back to sleep. Why should I deny him the occasional pleasure of falling asleep nursing if it's not preventing him from being able to put himself to sleep on his own?

January 7th, 2014
Ty's doing better with CIO than we ever expected.

January 8th, 2014
CIO is soooo hard, but it's giving Ty such fantastic sleep. I just ache to hear him cry, but the fact that our old methods don't work anymore makes it easier to bear. It's not like I can just say "I can't take it anymore" and run in to rock him to sleep.

January 9th, 2014
Ty had a rough night. He woke up much more often than usual. Between 3am and 4am he woke up multiple times in succession, so I gave him his feeding a little early and let him fall asleep on me in the recliner. I hope I didn't mess up the sleep training. 

His naps went great! He cried of course, but the nursing didn't throw him off and he's still falling asleep on his own.

He put himself to sleep for his 2nd nap with only a minute or so of crying.

Janurary 11th, 2014
Now this is a new development. Ty wouldn't nurse to sleep at bedtime, so I had to put him in his crib completely awake. He basically talked himself to sleep with only a few short cries here and there. He woke up an hour later but self soothed with only one time needing to check on him.

January 14th, 2014
We've finally resorted to intervallic cry it out with Ty since the old methods of nursing, rocking, and singing him to sleep have simply stopped working. Even co-sleeping, the swing, the car, and the stroller are considerably less effective. He wasn't ready for it before 7 months, but he is now. The fabulous news is his nighttime sleep is fantastic. He falls asleep quickly and sleeps 12 hours straight sometimes, but the naps need some work. Yesterday he only got 3 naps of 30 minutes a piece after crying for at least 30 minutes before falling asleep (one he cried for 90 minutes!). Today I covered the blinds with a sheet, and both naps so far it took him less than 3 minutes to fall asleep. Yes! He just needed the darkness to convince him it was sleepy time. I vastly prefer my baby sleep with as little crying as possible.

Singing will help calm him when he's fussy now, but it no longer puts him to sleep. I still sing to him to get him ready for nap/bedtime, and then if there's crying, I sing a verse of the same song while I go into him and pat him on the back for about a minute. I go in at 3 minutes, then 5, then 10, then 15. So far it's only twice gone longer than that, and most typical is just the 3 and the 5 before he'll sleep. Sometimes it makes him more upset to see us than if we'd just let him cry, but I feel better knowing he knows he's not been abandoned. He at least knows we hear him and still love him. I'm much more okay with him crying because he's not getting his way than crying because he feels we've deserted him.

January 15th, 2014
After tons of crying, I let Ty fall asleep nursing. Even if it sets him back a bit, which I doubt, I wanted him to have a peaceful sleep.

January 17th, 2014
I'm feeling like a horrible mom. I let Ty cry it out the other night because I thought he was tired. It turns out he was just hungry. I didn't think he could be since I'd just nursed him, but I figured out today that I don't produce as much milk as he'd like around 5 in the evening. He started getting fussy after nursing again today,so I gave him solids, and he's perfectly happy. This is one of the detriments of cry it out. It's much more difficult to determine now when he's just fussing himself to sleep verses when he has a genuine need I should take care of.
(later that night)
I love how good Tyler is doing at self-soothing! Even when he wakes up and sees me he falls back asleep quickly.

January 18th, 2014
Hoorah! Right to sleep in the crib without any crying! This was after about 30 minutes of crying for the previous nap.

After lots of tummy sleeping, Ty now seems to enjoy being on his back again.

January 21st, 2014
Ty's been an early riser lately and crabby throughout the day, so I gave him a 7:20pm bedtime since supposedly sleep begets sleep. We'll see...
And he woke at 4am. Still crying at 4:48am...
Fell back asleep until 7:30ish
Attempting nap now at 9:08am  

I asked for advice again on the sleep lady's wall. I'd heard that naps would regulate themselves once the nighttime sleep regulated itself, but it never happened for Ty (not even now that he's been sleeping through the night for over 4 months).

Janurary 25th, 2014
My baby's nights are wonderful now that he's finally responding well to sleep training (7:00pm - 7:30pm bedtime and waking up between 6:30am and 8:00am), but his naps are still very inconsistent. He can sleep tiny 20 minute naps or nice long 2 hour naps, but I have no idea what I'm going to get come nap time. He puts himself down with only 1 or 2 checks, but once he's up, there's no hope to get him back down. He'll cry for an hour without falling back asleep, and by then he's exhausted from not getting enough nap, and it's also time to feed him. How can I help encourage him to take longer naps?

On the other hand, sometimes he takes excellent naps. Today he had two 90 minute naps and is just waking from a 45 minute nap. The problem is, sometimes a long nap is his final nap and it messes with his bedtime. He'll wake up around 6:00pm, so I have a hard time putting him down for bedtime at 7pm. I end up having to put him down around 8:30pm, but then he wakes up around 4:30am or 5:00am. If his last nap is too long, should I wake him? What's too late and too long for that final nap to be? If I should wake him, should I still do so if his previous naps were super short?

A sleep coach responded with a couple follow up questions about how long he'd been sleep training and how old he was. Unfortunately I never got an answer to my questions since the sleep coach was switched out before she got back to me, so we've just had to deal with the random napping without knowing what we're "supposed" to do. He gets much longer chunks now, but it's still not a consistent nap time I can count on. 

Nights were generally good in late January, but there were still occasional times that he simply fought his own sleepiness. He'd wake up, fall back asleep, and re-wake shortly afterwards multiple times for up to 2 hours. It seemed like nothing, though, after what we went through from months 4 through 7.

January 27th, 2014
I love the rare occasion Ty falls asleep nursing now, but then he seems crabby for the rest of the night. He gets upset when he wakes up and realizes we're no longer holding him, but he will fall back asleep eventually.

January 28th, 2014
Since Ty's not feeling well and wasn't squirming around like crazy, I rocked him to sleep. It was lovely! I've missed it so much! He fussed initially when I put him in his crib but sleep overtook him immediately.

January 30th, 2014
Crabby baby today! He's completely uninterested in solids and is fighting being left in his crib. He's slept a ton but still seems constantly tired. Letting him play with the pacifier seems to have just stimulated him.

Note to self - don't put Tyler to bed with a toy that could fall out of the crib! He fussed for 70 minutes and only slept for 20!

February 3rd, 2014
Major Ty tantrum at 2:00am. Barely even calmed when I caved in and rocked him. He
cried for an hour, slept for 15 minutes, been crying for another 1/2 hour since...

February 6th, 2014
I don't know that letting Tyler cry for 40 minutes is helpful just because he's woken up an hour early. I'm going to get him up soon.

February 7th, 2014
Enjoyed rocking Ty to sleep after he'd had a very crabby day. I hope he's okay.

We took a trip down to southern California from February 9th through the 18th. He actually slept more consistently there than he did at home. He was willing to get his morning and late afternoon naps in the stroller or car, but he insisted on having a nice long 2 to 2.5 hour nap in the pack and play during the middle of the day. As wonderful as it is to have a baby who sleeps a lot, one of the detriments of sleep training is that now he struggles to sleep anywhere but a crib. This makes leaving the house rather difficult, and going to a 3 hour block of church followed by choir practice an hour later means Sundays aren't exactly a day of rest for Tyler.

March 9th, 2014
Everyone's complaining about one less hour of sleep tonight, but Ty slept in 45 minutes more than yesterday and went to bed an hour earlier than yesterday, so I got extra sleep.

March 13th, 2014
How did my baby already adjust to the time change? I was hoping the time change would push bedtime back to 8:00pm since Oscar gets off at 7:00pm. It'd be nice if he could play with Tyler and help me with the bedtime routine, but every day since Sunday Ty's pushed up his bedtime earlier and earlier. 

My mom told me when my brother and I were babies, she only put us down for one nap each day. A friend of mine who works in a daycare also says her 12-18 month old babies only get one nap each day. Even now at nearly 12 months, Tyler would never last on one nap a day. He has a hard time staying awake more than 2 and 1/2 hours at a time, and he struggles to stay awake more than 90 minutes in the morning unless he slept in a little extra at night. Now if he gets a great nap of at least 90 minutes he can stay awake for about 3 hours before another nap, but he'll be screaming for sleep if we push it back any longer than that. This is why I end up staying home so much. I sometimes have to bring a pack and play with me if I want to visit anyone. Taking him out of the house can be more trouble than it's worth. The flight to southern California was killer on him because he won't sleep well without darkness and without a crib. He got so worked up he gave himself a fever.  

March 16th, 2014
12 and 1/2 hours of sleep for Tyler today!

March 16th, 2014
Taking a nap on one of the pews during Sunday School

March 21st, 2014
I had a bizarre dream that Tyler crawled into a 300 degree oven, curled up, and fell asleep. My only thought was "it's only 300 degrees. It's not like he's broiling! But now I have to put him in new pajamas since those ones are all dirty!"

I just walked in to find Tyler had pulled his crib mobile down and was taking it apart while sucking on his socks.


March 24th, 2014
I usually go and check on Ty at night just before I go to bed, using only the light from the hallway to see him with. I was a little alarmed when I first walked in and couldn't find him, but on closer inspection, he was curled up in the corner.

March 26th, 2014
And this is why I rarely leave the house...Now that Ty can put himself down, usually in 5 minutes or less, he sleeps a ton. He'll get 11-12 hours at night and 3 good naps during the day. It's difficult for him to stay awake longer than 2 and 1/2 hours at a time. Today Oscar and I had an eye appointment, and Ty only got a 30 minute nap in the car. I put him down for his 2nd nap 50 minutes ago, and he's still up there making noise. Not full out crying, just whining and groaning. He loves his sleep and gets overstimulated incredibly easily. It's easier for me to stay at home and have a happy baby getting tons of sleep than to leave the house and have an unhappy, tired baby the rest of the day. I don't think I'll have this option whenever we have more kids. Hopefully any future babies will be able to be taken out and about without it completely messing with them.
  
Every once in awhile we'd have a weird day that he'd be too inconsolable to put himself to sleep.

March 27th, 2014
Yesterday I put Ty to bed awake. He made no noise so I checked on him only to find him playing with his crib mobile. He gave me a beaming smile as I said goodnight and left. I thought he would scream, but he still made no noise and 5 minutes later was asleep. Today I put him to bed awake, and he became completely hysterical. After 25 minutes I went up, held him, calmed him, and nursed him to sleep. Oh the inconsistency!

April 6th, 2014 
If we keep Ty awake too long between naps, he goes into this overstimulated, deliriously happy state where everything is super funny. The detriment is that once he's gotten to this point, it then takes him 20-30 minutes to put himself to sleep, but sometimes it's worth it for the awesome giggle fest.

And this is the type of day we get if we don't let him get the amount of sleep he's gotten used to.

April 11th, 2014
This is why I rarely leave the house and hesitate to make plans unless I know someone's going to be home with Ty. As wonderful as it is that Ty can put himself to bed now, if you mess with his nap, you're gonna pay for it. I had to take the car to pick up my Zaycon order when he needed his 2nd nap. He'll normally sleep for about 90 minutes, but I only had a set hour window to pick up the order, so I couldn't just wait until the nap was over. He got 15 minutes of sleep in the car, cried for 50 minutes when I took him up to his crib (he'd woken up as soon as the car turned off), and has been miserable all day since then. He fought the next nap for 30 minutes, slept less than that, and was constantly, horribly grumpy all day long. Now he's been screaming for over 90 minutes after waking up in the middle of the night. Nursing, rocking, singing, patting, everything has been tried. He calms, but he won't fall back asleep, and as soon as we stop, he's screaming again. This is what always happens when he doesn't get naps when and where he wants them. I'm not complaining or asking for advice. Most of the time he puts himself to sleep easily, including middle of the night wakings, and when he can get at least one good long middle of the day nap in a crib or pack and play, he's delightful. I only mention this if you ever wonder why I always ask people to come here instead of going to them, or why I rarely make appointments when Oscar's not home, or why I do my visiting teaching by calling and saying "can I come over right now?" I'm only trying to avoid days/nights like this.

April 17th, 2014
He put himself to sleep first, but it was a random terrible night for Tyler. He woke at 4:45am crying for nearly an hour. I nursed him and he cried some more until Oscar got up with him at 6:40am. It's 8:20am and he still hasn't fallen back to sleep.


Tyler ended up in the hospital with bronchiolitis while we were down in Portland on April 23rd. Helping him sleep that night was even worse than the difficulty we had during the 4 month sleep regression. They had to keep an oxygen feeder taped to his face, which he kept trying to pull off, and they had to keep a sensor attached to his toe, which limited his mobility in the hospital crib. We didn't have the option of letting him put himself to sleep because he'd step all over the sensor, which would make the alarms go off on the monitor. They only had room for one person to sleep near him, and since they wanted me to breastfeed him as much as possible to help calm him after his respiratory treatments, I was there all night with him. I didn't want Oscar to stay since he wouldn't have had anywhere to sleep, so it was all me all night long constantly battling to get him to sleep. Rocking my 24 pound wiggly boy to sleep was next to impossible. Eventually he'd fall asleep, so I'd get him in the crib, pull up the sides, and just get down onto my bed right when he'd wake up and start stomping around on the sensor. I only got about 2 hours of sleep plus the occasional 10 minute interval. Even if he did go down successfully, he'd roll over and the oxygen feeder would fall out of his nose. In attempting to put it back in with the nurse, it woke him up, and I had to rock him back to sleep again. He only had very short intervals of sleep that night, and I had even less. He did once roll and stay asleep without knocking the feeder out, which is how I got my two hour interval, but he still woke up a lot. It freaked him out to wake up and find himself in an unfamiliar place with the oxygen feeder taped to his face and the sensor pulling on his toe when he'd move. I tried to stand behind a curtain and let him cry it out, but he got the wire from the sensor wrapped about his ankle and I had to stop it from cutting off his circulation. It was an awful, awful night! After he was discharged, he got a little nap in the car on the drive back, but then screamed for nearly 2 hours. Once we got him back home, Oscar got him to sleep in his arms, but then he woke up when he was put down in the crib. Fortunately, though, he was back in familiar territory and wasn't restrained by wires, so he put himself to sleep in a couple of minutes.

April 26th, 2014
Oh it's nice to have my Tyler back home sleeping soundly and breathing comfortably in his crib. 

May 6th, 2014
Ty slept in 90 minutes (12.5 hours for the night) and is now at almost 2 hours for his nap. Not sure what to do with this...
He fought the 2nd nap for about 20 minutes but is snoozing now
Turns out he has a stomach bug. Lots of puking and diarrhea. That explains the extra sleep!

May 9th, 2014 
Ty fought the 3rd nap today for nearly an hour. We're trying to transition him down to 2 naps, but because he has a hard time staying awake very long between naps, it's hard to do if either one of those first two naps is shorter than 90 minutes. If I let him get up instead of taking the 3rd nap, he wants bedtime at around 5:30pm.

May 14th, 2014
Ty's started having night terrors. For the past two nights he's woken up screaming after 4 hours of sleep. Yesterday Oscar took 30 minutes rocking him back to sleep. He woke and screamed when Oscar put him back in the crib, but it wasn't long before sleep overtook him. Last night I held him for about 7 minutes, then put him back in the crib. He was still screaming bloody murder, so I did a modified version of the Tracy Hogg method. I wouldn't take him out of the crib, but since he was standing in the crib, I hugged and held him and hummed "I Love to See the Temple" for about a minute. I left and came back in every couple of minutes until he became "the little engine that couldn't." Like crying it out in January, this is another testament that just because a method didn't work for your baby once doesn't mean it won't work later on.

May 15th, 2014
Ty woke up from his night terror later than usual (after 7 hours of sleep). I held him for 5 minutes, then put him back in the crib. I only had to come back to comfort him in the crib once.

Rocking/Singing/No Cry/Cry it Out/Co-sleeping and Everything Else: Part III

After that period of sleep fighting, Ty slept almost perfectly the next night. The sleep sacks I'd ordered for him had just arrived, and for awhile there it seemed to be the cure to all his problems. The daytime naps went terribly before the sleep sacks arrived, but the night was great.

October 25th, 2013
Today was a bit of a failure as far as sleep goes. He took short naps driving to and from Bellevue, but he fought fought fought the morning and evening naps. The morning one lasted about 5 minutes, the evening one only lasted in my arms. I'm going to try holding him still and not rocking for a couple minutes before putting him in the crib. We're still having periods of fussiness when he simply needs to calm down. I bought sleep sacks today and am hoping they help him.

He went to bed fine at 9:10pm. I had to wake him up a little to get him into his sleep sack, but I was able to soothe him back to sleep pretty easily. I wish it could always be that easy. My goal is to get until 5am before I need to feed him again. 

October 25, 2013 (10:00pm)
I risked waking him up to get this picture. I just bought him this adorable tuxedo sleep sack. So cute! I have the problem of him kicking off a blanket or playing with it and pulling on it in the middle of the night, both of which I think have been contributing to his not being able to soothe himself back to sleep. Hopefully this helps.

Part of what causes him to work himself up in the middle of the night is playing with the blanket and pulling it over his head and sucking on it. It stimulates him, and I come in to find him totally awake. I'm hoping this will resolve that problem. This gives him warmth and stability like a swaddle but with the freedom to move his arms and legs.

October 26, 2013
Tyler slept through the night last night for the 1st time in weeks! He slept 6.5 hours, then needed only a 2 minute comfort rocking, then slept another 2.5 hours, nursed, and then slept 1 more hour! Plus 3 naps today and both wake ups from last night all transitioned smoothly from arms to sleeping in the crib. I even heard him self soothe a few times about 10 minutes after being put down. This sleep sack is magic! My boy just wanted to feel warm and snug but didn't like the tightness of a swaddle or the mobility of a blanket. 

If I'd seen any indication that crying it out would help him sleep better, I would have let him do it for the sake of my own sanity. I was going crazy being woken up 10 times a night on top of his falling asleep in our arms but then waking up and rolling around  shortly after he's put down in the crib. All that time he had a genuine need that needed to be taken care of. I read an article yesterday saying "don't believe people when they say crying it out is natural. Back in our caveman days, a baby crying it out would have signaled to a predator that a tasty morsel was nearby along with its family of entrees. Mothers did everything to prevent their children from crying at night." I'm glad I thought about that and figured out what was causing the problem and how to fix it.

The sleep sack helps so much with the transition from arms to crib. He'd start kicking and doing leg lifts when we'd put him down, and if I didn't get a blanket wrapped around him quickly enough, he'd wake up. This way he can move his legs all he wants and he still feels snug and warm so he doesn't freak out and wake up. Plus he doesn't have the ability to kick it off while he's sleeping or start playing with it. I should have gotten one of these a long time ago!


For awhile things began going better, largely thanks to the new sleep sack. Ty's initial chunk of sleep before his 1st wake up went from an average of 3 hours to an average of 4.5, and when he did wake up, it only took a little laying on of hands to get him to fall back asleep. But then everything got thrown up in the air again once Tyler started rolling over while sleeping. He'd wake up horrified to find himself in self inflicted tummy time. He could be completely asleep and then wake up as early as 5 minutes after being put in his crib. Once again I was out of options. If I let him go down awake, he'd spit up everywhere. If I put him down asleep, he'd roll over, get upset that he couldn't roll back, and spit up. Even when he did learn how to roll back a few days later, he wouldn't do it in the crib. There are harnesses and tricks to prevent baby from rolling, but everything I'd read said to avoid them since they were suffocation hazards. I was also advised that the baby needs time to figure out what his most comfortable sleeping position is now that he's gained more mobility, so I shouldn't try to force him into laying on his back for the entire night. For several weeks we were simply stuck dealing with frequent wake ups again. I asked for help on the Sleep Lady's wall again.

Oct 28th, 2013
My 5 month old can self-soothe. I've heard him self soothing on the monitor and seen it from his bedside. There's no question that he knows how to do it. The problem is that I can not ever leave him awake to self soothe. If I put him down anything less than completely asleep, there are disastrous consequences. Most typical is that he gets so worked up that he completely wakes himself up. I come in later to find him playing around and giggling and smiling when he sees me. 

Just last night he woke up as I was slipping his sleep sack on. Since he didn't seem unhappy, I thought it'd be the perfect time to leave him to self soothe. Wrong! He rolled over onto his tummy. Since he can currently roll onto his tummy but not the other way, he gets stuck in self inflicted tummy time and gets very upset about it. If I don't get him turned back over, he spits up tons, even if it's been hours since he last ate. Last night it was so bad I had to change his sleep sack, his sheets, and wipe down his mattress. This morning he woke up alert and ready to start the day, but since he'd only had about 7 hours of sleep, I knew he needed more (he's had as much as 11 total at night). This time I stayed to watch him self soothe and to turn him back anytime he rolled over. Though he eventually stopped rolling, he never came close to drowsy in 30 minutes. I had to rock him for about 10 minutes to remind him it was still sleepy time. Now he's asleep, but he had a couple wake ups every few minutes after being put down that were dependent on me to lay my hands on him, prevent him from turning over, calm him, and remind him it's still bedtime. This of course completely wakes me up and I have a hard time getting back to sleep even after he is completely out. Any advice? I was hoping to try the sleep lady shuffle once he's 6 months, but if he's still having these problems, I don't know if it would be at all helpful. He can self soothe, but nothing less than being in my arms will convince him to sleep.

Also, I read that at this point he should be getting 2-3 naps of at least 90 minutes. Instead he gets 4-5 naps of 45 minutes to an hour, and he always seems tired shortly after waking up and begging for another nap. I've tried rocking him back to sleep but to no avail. Fortunately it's not difficult to get him to go down for the naps except for the final one of the evening. That one he practically begs for but then fights it so badly I can only get him to take it if it's motion induced (swing, carrier, stroller, car). What can I do to lengthen out his naps so I don't have such a grumpy baby all the time?


Unfortunately the only response I got to this (from another one of her various sleep coaches) encouraged more drowsy but awake time so he could learn to self soothe and stay asleep and giving him lots of tummy time throughout the day so he could learn how to roll back over. She basically ignored the fact that he would fight his drowsiness and spit up everywhere when I would attempt drowsy but awake (which I thought I had spelled out pretty clearly), and it left me nothing to do at night when he would roll over except wait for him to learn how to roll back the other way. But even a few days later when he did learn how to roll back, he wouldn't do it in his crib. A few days later the sleep coach was switched out, so I appealed for help again.

Nov 4th, 2013 
I plan on trying the sleep lady shuffle in a couple weeks once my baby's six months old, but for now I'm trying to give him more "drowsy but awake" time. The problem, though, is that my son fights his drowsiness. He isn't necessarily upset, but he rolls over and plays and spits up (even if it's been hours since a short feeding). It's been particularly bad since he started rolling over since he gets mad about being in self inflicted tummy time. He can roll the other way but he rarely does and never has in the crib. He gets himself so worked up that he misses his sleep window and I find myself working that much harder to rock/sing him back to sleep. Only once has he ever initially fallen asleep drowsy but awake, but there have been times during the night that I've heard him rouse only to soothe himself back to sleep. He seems to have good coping skills, but only rarely do those translate into sleep. I hear he's stopped fussing and I think "hoorah he's asleep," but I come in to find a giggly, smiley baby who 5 minutes later is throwing a tantrum because he's overtired. What can I do to give him opportunities to self soothe without letting him make himself overtired?

This one actually responded with something useful. She was sympathetic and recommended putting him in the crib tired but awake. She thought maybe he had a negative association with the crib as a scary place he wakes up to find himself stuck in. If he was put down in it tired but not quite super sleepy with mommy nearby, he could learn to associate the crib with a pleasant place to lay down in. I couldn't get him to fall asleep in it awake, but I did start incorporating "awake in the crib" time before rocking him to sleep. I'd put him in there and sing him a few songs, but he only remained happy in it as long as I was singing to him and stroking him. Since I couldn't keep that up forever, I'd still have to pick him up and rock him to sleep. This did help teach him that the crib could be a happy place, but it didn't teach him that it was a place he could fall asleep in.

The next night there was a new development. 

November 5th, 2013
Ty is just determined to prove me wrong whenever I think I've found something that works. After 2 weeks ago's fiasco of him constantly waking up every 10 minutes, buying a sleep sack and soothing him while he stayed in the crib gave us much more peaceful nights. Then he decided to start rolling over and now absolutely refuses to be consoled in the crib while he's on his tummy. At first Ty could roll over and stay asleep, but in the last few days he's started waking up screaming as soon as he turns onto his tummy. I've tried to soothe him in the crib while letting him remain on his tummy, but once he's throwing a fit there's nothing I can do short of rocking him back to sleep. If I turn him he just rolls immediately back over. Since I have no idea when he's going to roll, this has had me up at all hours of the night trying to get him back to sleep. If he starts rolling soon after being put down, I can soothe him during the roll and he's fine, and other times he rolls after sleeping for awhile and then goes on sleeping, but it's very inconsistent. The biggest problem is when he's only been asleep for a few minutes and then rolls, and the completely random ones in the middle of the night. Even if I run to him as soon as I hear him, it's incredibly difficult to convince him it's still time for sleep. He'll still thrash in my arms if he's gotten too upset. 

Last night he was screaming and thrashing so much in my arms that I didn't see a reason to keep holding him. I let him cry it out (which I never do) while I came in every 5-10 minutes to pat him on the back and tell him I love him. This actually worked and it only took about 20 minutes. It worked again over just 10 minutes when he woke up an hour later, and then worked again over just 5 minutes for one of his naps today. Then for the final evening nap today it didn't work at all and reminded me why I've never had any success with crying it out in the past. He just worked himself more and more awake, spat up a bunch, and would not calm over 40 minutes. Since it was his evening nap and I didn't want it messing up bedtime, I decided not to let the crying it out go beyond that and rocked him to sleep. It only took a couple of minutes. While it's true that "no one method of getting a baby to sleep will work for every baby," it's also true that "no method of getting a baby to sleep will work every time for the same baby."

Although cry it out had finally worked a few times, it was no more effective than simply rocking Tyler back to sleep. He didn't sleep any better or longer, it took him longer to fall asleep than with rocking, I'd had several catastrophic failures with it and only a minimal amount of success, and I missed the bonding time I had when I'd hold Tyler until he fell asleep. They say if you're going to do cry it out you have to be consistent with it or the baby will get mixed signals. Since it wasn't helping him sleep better, I didn't see a reason to continue doing it consistently.

November 6th, 2013 
Sleep training is going very poorly. He would not sleep once he was on his belly, which was anywhere from 2 - 45 minutes after being put down in the crib.

Third nap went down at 3:52pm after 2 attempts to lie him down in the crib in succession. He would not calm in the crib, so I held him for a few minutes. He would not calm near the crib so I sat down in rocker but tried to rock for as little time as possible. He woke up 3 minutes later in my arms, so I repeated the process. Even just the 15 seconds it took me to get upstairs while he fussed were enough to wake him up for several minutes. It was more difficult to get him back to sleep again than getting him to fall asleep initially. He woke up after about a half an hour. I was unable to soothe back to sleep or CIO back to sleep. 

For the evening nap I put him down too early. He started to fuss so I held and rocked him again. He started to scratch his face and squirm when I put him down again, but I was able to coax him back to sleep with laying on of hands. 6:15pm started sleeping in crib, woke up three minutes later, sleeping in crib again at 6:27pm.

(10:17pm) What's hardest is the inconsistency. It makes it difficult to analyze what I can do to help him. Just now he was asleep on his back for over an hour, then turned to his tummy and has even adjusted his head position several times without waking up. But all of his naps today were horrible.

It was a difficult night after the first 5 hours, but I was able to keep him from having tantrums. On a positive note, Oscar was able to calm Ty in the crib today when he started to fuss after rolling over. This is something I've yet to have any success at. Last time we were having problems, figuring out how to calm Tyler without needing to take him out of the crib helped immensely. Just knowing he can be calmed on his tummy in the crib gives me hope.

November 7th, 2013 
Napping well today. The 1st nap was nearly 2 hours. Oscar put him down and helped soothe him once he was on his tummy. The 2nd nap was short. On the 3rd nap he rolled onto his tummy after 30 minutes. He wouldn't calm in the crib so I held him again and then helped him soothe over onto his tummy while gently rubbing his back. This looked like it was going to work, but then it ended horribly with him only being willing to sleep in my arms in spite of how tired he was. 

I found out that Dr Sears and his doctor sons also have a Facebook page that addresses parents' concerns. Dr Sears is very big into attachment parenting and no cry methods. Since at that point I'd decided that cry it out was useless and that I would have to stick with no cry methods, I decided to ask for advice from them

November 7th, 2013
After several nights of frequent night waking, my 5 and 1/2 month old son was beginning to sleep so much better when we purchased a sleep sack to prevent him from kicking his blanket off. We also figured out how to calm him in the crib using your "laying on of hands" approach. Recently, however, he's learned how to roll over. Sometimes he rolls to his tummy and continues sleeping, but more often than not he wakes up screaming. I've tried patting him and rubbing his back, but I can't seem to soothe him without taking him out of the crib. The more he gets worked up, the harder it is to convince him it's still time to sleep. I have to get to him as soon as possible or he decides it's time to be awake. He can roll back the other way, but he rarely does and I've never seen him do it in the crib. I then hold him and rock him a little and he falls back asleep relatively easily if I get there before he's thrown a fit, but then he fights going back into the crib. Even if I manage to get him back down, he often rolls over a short time later and then it's time to repeat the process. Last night I was up for nearly 3 hours with him after he'd initially slept for 5 hours. I thought maybe I could calm him better with nursing (though he's a chunky boy and can easily go through the night without eating these days), but unfortunately that makes things worse. He falls asleep happily nursing, but once it's crib time he rolls over and spits up everywhere once he gets worked up on his tummy. Right now I'm exhausted and my husband and I have to sleep in shifts. What can we do to improve the situation? I've never minded waking up for my son if he needs me, but this is getting out of hand.

This was their response

This is a common problem at this age as children begin to roll over in their sleep. In most cases, infants will eventually adjust to this and stay asleep after rolling over. There are various products available such as sleep positioners and harnesses, but we don't routinely recommend these as most infants will adjust on their own. Self-soothing techniques will work but can take some time. Trying to gradually increase the length of time spent soothing with gentle patting and gentle words before picking up should eventually result in helping to teach him to go back to sleep with soothing alone without being picked up. A great book on the topic is called "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley

I decided to check out Elizabeth Pantley's book from the library, but there were many holds on it. By the time it became available, it was January and Tyler was sleep trained. I hope to read a copy of it before we have another baby.

Nov 8th, 2013
I tried setting up an airbed next to Ty so I could respond to him immediately, but I'd finally get him down only to have him wake up to the sounds of my getting back on the bed. I've started sleeping on the floor next to his crib. It's uncomfortable, but at least it guarantees I can get to him and ideally keep him in the crib before he gets too worked up. Hopefully I won't need to stay sleeping on the floor for too long.

Fortunately he managed to roll over and stay asleep for 2 of his naps today (though not for the other 2), so I'm hoping he will eventually adjust to staying asleep after rolling and I can sleep in a bed again. 

In the middle of November, Tyler finally began sleeping well. He still couldn't put himself down, but his wake ups decreased, the time we spent comforting him was minimal, and we were all getting plenty of sleep in our own beds.

November 9th, 2013 (4:00am)
Ty's sleeping through the night tonight (over 7 hours so far) for the first time since beginning to roll over in his sleep. I'm thrilled, but after the week I've had, my body doesn't have the vaguest idea what to do with all this uninterrupted sleep. 

He ended up getting 10 hours with only 2 wake ups for a quick comfort patting on the back before falling back asleep.

Success! He's started responding to being comforted while on his belly in the crib.

Nov 12th, 2013
The 4 month sleep regression was harder to cope with than when he was a newborn, but I think we officially have a sleep through the nighter! It's now been 4 nights in a row of at least 10 hours of sleep. They're not soundless yet. We still have to go in 2-6 times to comfort him, but we stay only a few minutes or less and he never leaves his crib. The naps still need a lot of work, but it's a lot easier to deal with a grumpy, tired baby that's fighting sleep during the day than it is at night when I'm sleep deprived.

Of course the same evening I write that post, Ty had a horrible time going to sleep for the night when falling asleep at the start of the night had never been an issue. It seems we'd solve one problem only to have another one crop up.

During this time of difficulty, prayer made such a difference at helping me maintain my composure. I started praying before I went in the room to console him, not just complaining to God in the difficult moments. Even if I weren't a religious person, I think reminding myself to stay calm before going in was a good idea. Instead of feeling sorry and upset for losing so much sleep, it helped me enjoy bonding with my baby. I wouldn't always have that chance, so I might as well enjoy it while I did. 

From November 18th-21st, we met up with Oscar's parents for a short vacation in Lincoln City, Oregon. Putting Tyler to sleep there was very difficult because we didn't have a rocking chair. We'd gone out of town to Utah before, but our parents each had recliners for us to rock Tyler down in. In the hotel I had to take him into the pitch dark bathroom to hold and walk him to sleep. He wailed for about 30 minutes before his little motor started calming down and he finally fell asleep (we like to call this "the little engine that couldn't"). It was incredibly draining on my arms. This was another time that if he hadn't had the spit up issues, I would have let him cry it out in the pack and play. If I'd had a rocking chair, it would have taken much less time to put him down, and I could have had him relaxing on the boppy while we rocked. Oscar had to put Ty down a lot that trip since I simply didn't have the arm stamina to hold my 21 pound boy until he would fall asleep. His parents helped out too, but usually ended up just letting Ty fall asleep on them since transitioning him to the pack and play was just as difficult for them as it was for us. Sometimes Ty would let me sit down and sway him back and forth, but it was still hard on my arms. As enjoyable as the vacation was, I longed to get Tyler back to his rocking chair and back to his crib.

In December Ty slept pretty well, but we still had the occasional difficulty.

December 3rd, 2013
Apparently there's nothing I can do to get rid of this 4am wake up. Even though Ty's had many nights of 10-12 hours without eating, he's been consistently waking up hungry at 4am for the last week. I tried waking him up for a "dream feed" at 10pm and letting him eat as long as he wanted, but he still woke up hungry at 4am. Last night I woke him up for the dream feed again, but this time fell asleep in the recliner and let him nurse freely for 2 hours before putting him back in the crib, but he still had the 4am wake up. He was clearly not hungry, but it took about 1/2 hour of convincing him it was still time for bed, which has the opposite effect on my own body of convincing me it's no longer time for bed.

December 8th, 2013
The silver lining to Ty and I both being sick - Ty's self soothing skills are getting considerably better and he's sleeping better. We thought his being sick and having a congested nose would mean some difficult nights, but it's been the exact opposite. Normally he'll just work himself up and awake if we don't go in to calm him quickly enough, but lately we'll hear him cry and by the time we've gotten into the room he's already self soothed or needs nothing more than a 10 second back rub. I'm assuming he just doesn't have the energy to get too worked up. It's nice to have him sleeping well since that gives me the chance to sleep off my own sickness.

December 11th, 2013
Ty went through a growth spurt recently where he was hungrier than usual, but stuffing him more in the evening was much more effective than feeding him at night. He doesn't even act hungry in the morning. When he wakes at night, what he wants is comfort and to stay as sleepy as possible. If I feed him, even if I do it on the recliner with the lights out so ideally we can fall asleep together, he completely wakes up. A feeding takes more energy out of him and wakes him when he needs to be sleeping. My husband co-sleeping with him works since he just holds him close and lets him fall back asleep, but even then it doesn't stop Ty from waking at night. He’s quicker to comfort since Oscar’s right next to him, but the wake ups don’t stop simply because he’s now co-sleeping.  

December 13th, 2013
Lately Tyler needs Oscar to co-sleep with him for just those final hours of nighttime sleep. Oscar will take him into the guest room bed and lie down with him, and I come in once I've woken up to find them looking adorable together. Only once has Ty been willing to sleep with me in that bed, and it only lasted 2 hours.