



I was super sore over the next few days, which was extra painful when Tyler would climb on me or push on my belly when he wanted to get on/off my lap. If it was that bad from the version, what would it be like after the C section? I began dreading it and even resenting Allison a little bit for putting me in that position. I remember saying to her "why can't you be more like your brother and turn?" While it was very uncomfortable, it was nothing compared to being in active labor before I had any medicine, so I said I'd be willing to try it again just before the C section. I also looked up breech delivery, but it wasn't something I was willing to try. My first uncomplicated labor was excruciating before I got the epidural, and that was with a supportive husband, sister, birthing coach, and a couple rounds of fentanyl. From everything I'd read, a breech delivery is even harder and you have to accept the possibility that you'll need to labor without any drugs. This is because most women progress less once they're on drugs, but I was the exact opposite with Tyler. During my first labor my own tightening against the pain was actually harming the process. I could not get dialated beyond a 4 after 8 hours of early labor and 7 hours of active labor. Then I got the epidural and practically slept through the remaining 6 centimeters in 4 hours. Most hospitals these days won't even perform a breech delivery, so I'd have to go to a birthing center and an epidural would be out of the question. Even if I could handle the pain, I'd be terrified of the baby's head getting stuck in my pelvis because I couldn't relax enough for my cervix to fully dilate. The C section was clearly the less risky choice. I asked my doctor what my chances were of being able to have a vaginal birth after C section (VBAC), and fortunately they're very high because I've already had an uncomplicated vaginal birth.
Over the next couple weeks I saw a chiropractor regularly, continued the sifting once a day, and did handstands on the pool and water aerobics to help her get moving. I really looked forward to my final 39 week appointment with my doctor. For some reason I was convinced she would have turned on her own by then. When she hadn't, I felt agitated and knew I'd be a complete mess if I didn't come to a place of peace with it. I went home, prayed, and had a good cry. I realized I'd been thinking more of myself than of her during the entire process. Even when I thought I was thinking about Tyler, I was actually thinking about how much harder parenting him would be on me after a C section. I asked Oscar if he would give me a blessing to help calm my mind. He did, and he assured me that Allison would come into the world safely and without complications. After it was over he told me he'd wanted to say that she would turn, but he didn't get that impression. For the next week I kept up my efforts to turn her, but I finally began accepting that she wasn't going to turn. I stopped resenting her for it and began enjoying her movements more. She responded in kind by no longer confusing me with her hiccups. From then on I started feeling them in my ribs right where her head was.
My OB was going to be out of town the week of my scheduled C section, so he referred me to one of his partners, Dr Steven Sharmaud. While Ty and I were on a playdate with our friends Carolyn and Eli, I learned that Dr Sharmaud would be performing her upcoming procedure too. She also told me he was the former bishop of the Harbour Pointe Ward, the congregation we share a church building with. She said he was retiring in two weeks and would be moving to Utah for a year before serving a medical mission in Brazil. I thought that was an interesting coincidence and was glad to hear I'd have something to talk about with this doctor I'd never met before I let him cut me open and sew me back together. When I went in for my consultation with him, he looked at me and said "I feel like I know you. Do I?" I explained that he would have seen me in the halls at church and that I knew Carolyn. While we talked I learned he is actually a fertility specialist and is well aquainted with my fertility doctor. SRM used to have a branch up at Providence, but they cancelled the program a few years back when there was a new requirement to build a $100,000 lab for sperm analysis. Since the Providence branch only made about $30,000 a year, they opted out of it.
The two final days before the C section were torture. In addition to late breech pregnancy discomfort, Tyler was particularly demanding and throwing random temper tantrums for no explicable reason. I kept watching the clock waiting for those days to pass. Fortunately, though, I found something that really helped me come to a place of peace. I found a lovely little article that I really identified with called "When Life Gives You a Breech Baby." These paragraphs in particular could have been written by me.
"Every child is different. The way they choose to come to you is different. You are hilarious for thinking you have any control over this. I have spent a great deal of time trying to change these circumstances. Part of me feels responsible for her not turning, that I have been too busy, that I haven't been there for her the way I was with my first baby. It's really hard to not beat myself up about that but I am finally coming around to the fact that maybe she just likes where she is, with her head up under my ribs close to my heart and voice.
The idea of a scheduled c-section has been uncomfortable for me, and I've spent the last few weeks worrying so much about it. Last week I decided enough was enough, that I was creating so much more resistance during these final, beautiful weeks than was necessary. I have reached out to many friends and acquaintances to hear their c-section experiences and have to say that I'm finally getting to a place of peace if this is the route for me. I am so thankful for all of the women who have come forth to share advice and tell me their stories. I am so thankful to be a woman going through this amazing experience called birth. I am so thankful that I have this option. I am so thankful that I am having a little girl who has already started teaching me much needed lessons."

It was so weird to show up at the hospital not writhing in pain. I was, however, starting to get pretty uncomfortable. I wasn't having contractions, but everything I did felt extra difficult, even things like sitting and laying down. As miserable as taking care of Tyler was during that final week, it was at least doable. If the C section had been scheduled after the 11th, I would have definitely needed help. There's no way I could have been a parent that day! I can't know for sure, but based on how I felt the 2 days before labor started with Tyler, I'm pretty sure I would have gone into labor naturally within the next 24 hours.

My sister wanted to be at the hospital the entire time we were there, even knowing she wouldn't be able to see us for 6+ hours. Thankfully the people in Triage were really cool that day and actually let her come hang out in Triage with us, which they hadn't allowed during Tyler's birth. My surgery ended up getting delayed over an hour because the doctor was called away for an emergency C section, so there was a lot of laying down waiting uncomfortably on the bed. Malia saw Alli kicking around and was able to feel her moving for quite some time. It was really nice to have her there. I don't even remember what we talked about, but she kept me us smiling and happily distracted during the long wait.
Eventually the nurse anesthetist and Dr Sharmaud came in to tell us it was time and to describe the spinal to me before I was escorted up to the operating room. Neither Lia or Oscar was allowed in while they put the spinal in, but Oscar was brought back in for the surgery. You only get one support person for that. They'd told me I'd be able to use the bathroom before the procedure but the nurse said "no" when I asked her if I could go. The catheter made things better just before the surgery, but I would have really preferred not to have a full bladder while they were putting in the spinal. I didn't dry heave from it like I had during my epidural with Tyler, but they did hit a nerve, which was incredibly jarring. It was the most painful thing I have ever felt in my entire life. It went down the left side of my body through to my toes. I screamed out, and it was over immediately. They told me that's why they don't do this while you're knocked out. If they hit a nerve and unknowingly left it that way, you could suffer permanent nerve damage. After that the left side of my body felt like it weighed 300 pounds and was trying to drag on the ground. They kept asking how I was feeling, and all I could say was "heavy." Eventually I couldn't feel anything below the waist at all. The spinal went through my whole body, but I remained awake. I couldn't move the top half of my body either but they put something cold on my arm and asked if I could sense the coldness. Once I couldn't tell it was cold anymore, but could still tell it was touching me, we were good to go. They attempted another ECV, but they didn't put nearly as much effort into it this time. Dr Sharmaud could tell there was no chance of her budging after only about a minute.


Once they were satisfied that my body wasn't responding negatively to the surgery, I was wheeled into the recovery room where I was monitored for a couple hours before being giving a permanent room. Being moved was actually one of the coolest parts. They put this little inflatable under you, one person stands at each corner, and it's instantly inflatted while you're quickly moved over to another bed. It reminded me a bit of being bounced up and down on a big parachute as a child. In the recovery room I was able to have Allison on me as the spinal started wearing off the top half of my body. She didn't want to nurse at first but later we knew she was ready once she'd found her thumb. Nursing the 2nd time around was so much easier than the first time when I was terrified and didn't have the vaguest idea what I was doing. Alli's suck reflex wasn't the strongest, but thanks to my previous experience, we got nursing going pretty quickly. At first they'd ask me regularly how often she was nursing and how long she would eat, but we were doing so well that they stopped worrying about us. One nurse (Shirley) even predicted that my milk would come in by the 2nd day, and she was right. It was a day sooner than it came in with Tyler.





As soon as he walked in, Tyler immediately tried to climb up the bed to get on top of me. He did give me some nice hugs, but I could tell he was going to be the most challenging part of my recovery. In the 7 weeks since he never once grasped the concept that he couldn't climb on me, sit on my lap, or that I couldn't pick him up. Others would have to physically remove him from me, and he'd throw huge temper tantrums, fighting and screaming to get back on me. My little boy gets very used to routine and does not respond well when things don't go the way he expects them to. Thank goodness I had that first week to recover without a toddler in the house! We tried teaching him that mommy was cut by super sharps (what we call knives) and that it hurts her so she puts ice on it to help it, but that only made things considerably worse. He'd slap me on my incision and excitedly say "mommy cut! mommy cut! Hurt! Mommy ice!" He was just so excited to point out what he'd learned, and we couldn't get him to understand that the slapping was hurting mommy more. I got into the habit of wearing my ice pack whenever he was around so he'd slap the ice instead. Seriously, if it weren't for Tyler, my C section recovery would have been a breeze.

I did love this moment though. It was lovely to have my cute little family in front of me and see Tyler taking an interest in his sister. For the most part, though, he was completely indifferent to her, and he absolutely did not want to hold her. He basically saw her as some sort of decoration.



That evening Oscar turned from a happy, proud new father into Mr Grumpy Gus. They had these things around my feet to send circulation into them while I slept. It would regularly make noise that reminded me of a really loud version of the blood pressure cuffs you see in pharmacies. It drove him nuts! He had to get his loud speaker with white noise and stick it right next to his ear.
At some point that night Alli started waking up for a feeding, but I physically could not pull myself up enough to pick her up. I tried to call the nurse, but the remotes had both fallen too far out of my reach. Even though they were attached to cords, I physically could not twist by body in a way to retrieve the one with a call button, and the one I was able to retrieve after a lot of effort required a four digit code to call my nurse. As the nurses changed, the numbers changed, so they were written on the white board, but it was too dark for me to read. I had no choice but to wake Oscar up. With that speaker next to his ear it took awhile! I think I was yelling for at least a full minute before he finally processed what was happening.
Marcus, Martha, and Tyler came back the next morning to say goodbye before starting their long drive to Utah. Ty walked around with me, which is the only time in my life I haven't been able to keep up with a walking toddler. This walk ended up being a bit more challenging than the others because my meds were wearing off. I had to get back to my bed as soon as possible.
Ty started getting pretty restless, so I suggested he go down to the playground I'd seen during my walk. Oscar and Marcus took him down there, but it was closed. Turns out it's a therapy playground for the children admitted to the hospital. He played around on the rocks for a bit instead.
The best full family pics we could get.
Myla and Kienna visited and brought balloons for Allison. They'd never seen a newborn and couldn't believe how small she was. Oscar took them home and bought them Teriyaki when Lia, Chang, and Hana arrived. So far Allison had been sleeping most of the day and really only waking up to eat, but when the Kawaguchis arrive she was super awake and about as interactive as a newborn infant can be. They were all in deep smit!
Such proud parents of our lovely little girl. I had to put her in an outfit that covered her hands because her super sharp nails kept scratching me when she'd nurse.
The hospital provided a little sleepsack with arms to swaddle her. She loved it, and it was so easy. I'm a terrible swaddler, so I knew I was going to need some other blankets like it that make swaddling easier.
She's such a gorgeous girl! One of the benefits of a C section is the baby comes out with a perfectly formed head instead of the coneshaped head from being lodged in the birth canal. Many people saw her soon after birth and said "you must have had a C section!" Tyler, though, is evidence that my cervix can handle baby heads. I pushed him for nearly 2 hours but his head was still fairly round at the end of it. I had people ask if he was a C section too. I think it's because my babies have small heads. Ty was 6th percentile and Allison was 8th. I can't believe I've had two beautiful newborns! Only her hands and feet had that shriveled up look so characteristic of newborns.
This is my favorite picture and memory of the hospital stay. I loved all the snuggles I got with her in there. I actually really enjoyed my time in the hospital. The pain was less than I'd expected, and it was fun to be literally pampered hand and foot while I bonded with my sweet baby all in good company.
When it was time to go I thought I could make the final walk to our car since I'd had pain meds recently, but I ended up in a wheelchair because I got dizzy after a couple minutes.
She looked so tiny in her carseat! It felt so weird to strap this itty bitty baby into one. I couldn't wait to get her back home where we had a full week to just love on her. It was a wonderful week (more about that in another post), though I have to say I really missed that reclining hospital bed. Man I need one of those when I'm nursing at night!
Wow, I had forgot how much pain you endured with Allison because of her being a C-section baby. She was soooooooooooooo beautiful and sweet not much of a screamer as I remember. I loved all the adorble pictures of you and Ali and all of the analysis that you went through
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